As time goes on, in this new world we are now living in; where we are confined to our homes, our exercise is limited, our lives are at a distance, and our relationships are in a magnifying glass – I am receiving different messages : It is a time of loss ; a time of change and confusion; when normal actions, activities, or ways of being, don’t always help in the same way. So how can we face get through it such challenges?
Many moons ago I was a specialist in the areas of grief and loss, bereavement and palliative care – working on the picket line for those who faced death and dying, supporting families, training professionals, writing books – I was passionate about grief education and for a while felt it was my life’s path – eventually I needed to move towards joy, life and the part of letting go which embraced new energy. I thought this part of my life was over when I walked away to follow my own path as healer, therapist, artist and seer – BUT – now I feel this part of me returning, as the cycles of life, loss, letting go and moving on are so redolent for us during these times..
I wish to offer something of this again – in a different way. It is time to help those who are facing the loss of this new era we are living through – the grief of losing a life you thought was certain – or facing illness and potential losses of relatives/friends/ money/ work/identity. The fear of losing everything. How do we face this now? And alongside this, how can my training in trauma support be of use?
I can help.
I never thought I would return to this – I know for me personally, grieving and loss can be a portal for transformation: Allowing the feelings, of shock and anger, betrayal or sadness, the depth within to open my heart, heal my spirit, enable new life in, truly helped me. Finding new ways to live can be hard but possible. At this time of the journey through the Corona Virus experience, I would like to offer some tools for you. I have both experienced my own journey of grief and loss, and shared in many other’s experiences. As a psychotherapist and counsellor of almost forty years, I was a co-ordinator of services, a writer for this topic and a recognised expert in the bereavement field, particularly for children and families.
I am shaping something for these times. An E book – will be available to download at minimal cost – soon. But its not quite ready yet! I only just envisioned it today…
In the meantime – here are some pointers that may help you :
Pointers to Remember –
- Keeping to a routine is always helpful when change and loss appear, this keeps a level of continuity when all around you is changing.
- Create a structure you can live with for your day or week – advance planning can be helpful.
- Allow all feelings to be ok – whether it is happy, sad, angry, fearful, shocked, confused, numb etc
- Expressing or not sharing such feelings is also ok – each person has their own way of managing feelings, and some are more able to do so than others.
- It is normal to have delayed reactions, denial that anything is wrong, confusion of what is happening, when loss kicks in. You are not unusual.
- It is ok to feel happy! To find some ways to bring joy, or fun into your life.
- Being kind to those who are nearby is helpful at this time, as they also are going through the same thing. The level of support around you is unprecendented.
- Having a blazing row may just clear the air! As long as you return to peace and a level of connection afterwards.
- Let children just be children – they will pick up on your feelings at this unusual time, but they also will need routine and normal day to day activities too.
- Using something creative, whether art, writing, music, movement, cooking, woodwork, DIY, can really help your body release some of the tension associated with loss and change.
- Remember to breathe! Take five minutes away if things feel too tough.
- Make some time to do something nourishing every day – this is different for each person, eg.reading a book, watching a film, going for a nice walk, having a bath, lighting a smelly candle, sitting in a garden if you have one, etc – just something which gives you a bit of time out from any pressure and tension you feel.
- Reach out to someone, see who is out there – whether a friend, relative or one of the agencies available – sometimes it’s important to share what you feel and need, or talk through what it’s like for you. Or offer support.
- Be kind to yourself – this is a time none of us could have planned for – let each day be different if it needs to be, within the confines of some routine.
- Don’t spend all day on the internet! Its a danger at this moment. Get some fresh air, even if by opening a window.
- Try to remember all things will pass, even this time.
I plan to create an ebook and journal with pointers for you to use during this time. If you are interested please sign up on my website or/and my facebook page and group – I can then keep you informed when it is ready. It’s a new idea, and will take a short time to create!
Take care of yourselves for now.