Today I was shaken awake to my core, rattled and twirled, shown the depth and beauty of life, all while lying peacefully on the ground!
I lay atop Glastonbury Tor, in Somerset UK; that ancient portal of energy, natural wisdom, mystical and powerful, known by many as a special place of pilgrimage, receiving the healing she gave me – The sun was shining, I lay on the grass, and her ancient essence infused me with life. I asked for help and she gave it.
I first went to Glastonbury Tor at age 19, as a young hippie searching for life. I slept overnight in a safe place near the top, in my sleeping bag, and in the morning awoke to the glorious, golden sunrise and mists.
Gazing over the Mendip hills view, just taking in the breadth of that awakening day, the mist gradually cleared. I can still remember it vividly – the damp smell of early morning grass, the sky lightening and illuminating, the sense of wonder at this place on earth where I had landed. In the night, I had not known the landscape, and simply sought a place to sleep, knowing that the Tor was my destination – my very first meeting there.
That morning, as I watched, I saw strange criss-crossing lines, later discovered to be ley lines, the mystical grids of energy known to cover the whole world. I did not know what I was seeing at that age. I knew only they were important, I felt them in my body and felt the earth needing to wake up. I saw this vital intersection, a portal of the earth’s and our own human connection. I felt a vortex, spirals of energy surged through me, my body and the earth were one. A place of power indeed. It shuddered through me till it had changed me completely.
My knowledge of ley lines was nil at the time, though I later learnt more – what I was seeing and experiencing was born of vision, hidden knowledge and a sense that this place holds strength, wisdom and power for me, as for others. I knew I would return when I can.
From that time on my life has been infused with this knowledge and I have returned at key times in my life for help – even when I have tried to forget and live what some might call a more ‘normal’ life, my visions and experiences from those times have shaped my life. I am a visionary, a soul seeker, shamanic therapist, from that time on.
I am now a much older women, with a lifetime of stories and experiences, I am facing many hidden layers all surfacing, so I can truly reach the next phase of my life, the elder and grandmother/crone self. I believe this most special, difficult, new time, The Corona Virus time, is bringing these aspects up to be faced, for the world needs us and our connections, to heal. We cannot continue as before, something needs to change, for the world and humanity are struggling to survive our ravages and destructions. I have always known this since I was 19 and received my visions.
Today was my first encounter with the Tor since the Corona Virus outbreak, as I live near enough to visit. I heard her call, a familiar feeling for local people attuned to her rhythms and our own- there are times to visit and times not to. Today I needed her help, and she showed up for me.
My personal woundngs, now coming to be faced, are connected to my family ,my ancestry and all I have inherited in DNA. The male woundings of my family are deep and ancient, including mental health illness and suicide, all manner of abuse and power, autism and more. Needing to face these now is no accident, for we are all having to face the results of patriarchy in our world, with movements such as the ‘me too’ movement, the ‘black lives matter’ movement, and the emergence of wiser female leaders – the world is at the brink of ecological disaster. The wounds of the masculine, the ways in which our world has been shaped, are all connected to how we have now reached this time – the Corona Virus is simply a symptom, showing up to reveal many of the ways in which our dis-association from nature and our separation from our innate connection to masculine and feminine, humanity and earth, relationships to community and intimacy are not working.( This is not to deny there has been immense suffering, and my compassion for everyone affected is very deep.)
I knew the call to the Tor was important. I have had a week of intense emotional pain, stress, reminders of woundings, due to family issues, past and present – connected to those male woundings I experienced personally . My body was showing me where to go for the truest healing I know – a place infused with natural power, essence, ancient forces and beauty.
I found, with her help, I am ready to welcome back a lost part – my very young baby self, one of my core soul parts, who is highly sensitive, kind, beautiful, powerful, loved and loveable. She simply could not live in the onslaught of all I experienced in the family home when younger. So she had disappeared – quite literally.
In shamanic terms, a vital part of my soul disappeared as I could not sustain her remaining in my body when facing such traumatic experiences so very young. Soul loss – at the very core of my being.
Despite all the healing and therapy, shamanic and other work, I have experienced, including other soul retrievals, somehow I had been unable to reach this vital part. Till this week, when l finally connected with my deep unheard rage and pain, grief and loss, separation from love and care. I knew I was ready. Everything comes at the right time and this has been right..
My angry, sad, traumatised self had been triggered enough to show up so I could finally hear and heal her. It was time, and I lay rested on the earth of the Tor, hearing the sounds of the everyday and tuning in at the same time to my visionary shamanic self, who is always alert on this beautiful hill. My body received all deeply.
During this gentle rest, infused as it was with the power of the Tor,I felt her return – this beautiful part of me that had been stolen all those many years ago – time to feel the ‘homecoming’ of coming back into my full self, and feeling alive without fear in all my body. She showed up with such sensitivity, beauty, fluttering and delicateness that I cried. (I cry a lot at the moment!) I will do more to welcome her back.
I also experienced other healings, particularly a new breath breathed into me by the soul of the Tor… this felt achingly perfect.. here I was lying on a hill, others playing around me and I was deep in my own presence with the forces, feeling renewed and re-invigorated by my connection. I loved that around me was life, humanity, all ages, gently humming.
I am one of the ‘Warrior Priestesses’ who was ‘undone’ but now I am undoing the undoneness – this is my clear message now from both the Tor and all that I feel – this is a collective shadow shared with many other warrior priestesses – those of us who carry the witch archetype deep within, who have been scapegoated in our families, who have experienced the trauma at the hands of men and the masculine, are rising now. It is time for us to become whole, to take back what was lost, to feel our being in body, soul and mind, and connect this to mother earth – for she is our true mother.
My experience today was almost a vision quest – the ancient form of shamanic ritual to seek guidance and nourishment from nature – experiencing the wild, fasting, meeting nature and visioning to help shape our lives. All things that happen on a vision quest are important.
Today I came home to myself. It is time for all of us to ‘come home’ to ourselves.
For me the outer experience of life, and the inner experience of my being, are vitally connected. Just as outer nature, and my body, are connected.
As I walked away, a young boy offered to open a gate for me, a sign of the new young emerging masculine bringing more compassion and support for the feminine, who is also grounded, sensitive and whole in himself. I bowed in thanks but also found myself saying I did not need this! A lesson for me still to receive!
Later I met a male friend who showed me the possibilities when a man in our world is capable of facing his wounds, being sensitive and connected to nature and the earth, and has capacity to offer intimacy in a real relationship. We shared deeply from our hearts. I am left with hope as well as a truer sense of completeness than ever before.
It is probably too late for the males in my family, and myself to have a proper relationship – the woundings appear entrenched and they are on a different path to me. But I have learnt from today, that I have the wisdom and strength to use this opportunity, both for my own healing, ancestral healing for my granddaughter and the family line, and for the collective.
After visiting the Tor, I sat at the Chalice Well Gardens to give thanks , both to the waters of the well and to nature for sending me there. I sat and felt the well bathe me with her cool clear waters, and I drank deeply. This continued the healing from the Tor, as the spring that feeds the Chalice Well Waters flows deep beneath her land. I watched as butterflies danced nearby, showing me their beauty, as a reminder of the beauty in the world. I sat with the birds who came close, showing trust and vulnerability. And I touched the trees, the flowers, the landscape, and felt their arms all around me. Sitting with a male friend sharing and talking, completed my healing, giving me such hope that there are ways to redress the balance of the wounded male in our world and the outcome of patriarchal ruling. My senses were awakened.
There are many of us Warrior Women emerging now – women ready to become whole , come back home to ourselves, and place the masculine finally in his right-ful place both within us and in our relationships.
The meeting of the Warrior Priestess is timely. She allows for the rage and anger so needed to be expressed, in order for right relationship to take place both between man and woman, and between humanity and the earth. Yet my deep and beautiful fragility of heart and soul, felt from my new soul part, the compassionate self, is the ultimate ruler of life. She is love incarnate.
I have given thanks today for every single part of my life – in gratitude.
If you resonate with this blog post, drop me a line, or comment below. I am available to help you come home to yourself… we are on this journey together.
With much love
Photographer unknown – with thanks for this image.